Yes, I’m talking about abortion!

I need to speak up about this topic and I know is the right time to do so…

Yes, I’m talking about abortion!

I have kept this secret inside of me for 20 years, and I’m still trying to heal myself from this and I know that I will never be totally healed if I don’t take my responsibility and ownership of my own feelings and talk about it…

I use “I” sentences to focus on my own experiences and to avoid generalizing about others.

Please try to read these 4 scenarios without judgment:

Scenario 1 – The Father

I love you he said but I wouldn’t accept IT… that IT that he was referring to was our unborn child. I would never accept IT as my mine… The Father of our child was not a teenager or a guy in my age… He was much older than me and had daughters that were almost my age.

Scenario 2 – Me

I had two weeks to make the most difficult decision in my whole life, totally alone in a foreign country with no savings, living month by month. Back then I was 25 years old, according to the doctor the perfect age to have a child.

Scenario 3 – My Parents

When something like this happens, even though my relationship with my parents sucks, I call them because they are my parents and even though I knew that my stepfather will say: that I get to stand for my actions and take the consequences and fix my own shit.

My mother answered my phone call and I told her that I was pregnant.

The reaction I got from her was: Why didn’t you use condoms!

Scenario 4 – Alone and Empty

Woke up alone with an emptiness inside and a menstrual pad between my leg, I couldn’t even cry because I didn’t feel anything. The first person that came inside the room was the father of our now gone child  (thrown away in a garbage bag), the first words that came out from his mouth was…

How do you feel?

Before starting to accuse or judge, I would like you to

Please read again!

Scenario 1 – The Father

I love you he said but not in that way that you think. I can’t live with you BUT I will accept our child and do whatever it takes to help you raise this child. This child will grow up knowing that I will be there.

Scenario 2 – Me

I will have to make a decision and change my way of living and prepare myself for a life as a single mother and make the best of the situation for my child and me. Back then I was 27 years old, according to the doctor the perfect age to have a child and I totally agree.

Scenario 3 – My Parents

When something like this happen, even though my relationships with my parents suck, I call them because they are my parents and even though I knew that my stepfather will say: that I get to stand for my actions and take the consequences and fix my own shit and even if they didn’t understand why this has happened they will stand by my side, in their own weird way.

Scenario 4 – Alone but with hope

I will be a single mother and raise my child alone but at least I will have hope for both of us. I know that I will do the best as a single mother even though it would be though, at least I’m in peace with myself and I’m in peace for my child because this child will have a father even though we don’t live together and this child will have grandparents even though they are weird in their own way.

Feel the same way about me now or would I still be judge and accused for…???  

I would never judge someone because nobody knows better what I’ve gone through or what made me be or think this way instead of some other way. I have my own likes and dislikes, personal experiences, and a hierarchy of values and they’re not any better or worse than anyone else’s. Nobody can deny me my autonomy, because we all have the right to be free, as long as we respect others. Every relationship, even the most cordial, is sustained through consideration and tolerance of other people’s decisions.

“Respecting every person’s autonomy and dignity is an ethical imperative, not a favor that we can or can’t grant each other.” -Paulo Freire-

I remember I was thinking back then:

Instead of judging, disagree, accusing or criticize…

I would like a Society that has real talk about abortion so that I didn’t feel so alone and isolated…

I would like a Society with a safe place to go to and share my feelings, a Society that wasn’t a shame to speak open, honest, judgment-free conversations about abortion, a Society that encourage me with help and advice, maybe I would have taken a different decision…

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